Just to say...

...if I've offended anyone today, I'm sorry.

Today I did nothing.  Not sure why, but I did nothing.  Maybe it's a mood thing.  Okay, yes something happened in the last couple of days, not that I want to talk about it, yet.  But it's put me off a bit.

The trouble is, when you have cancer like mine, you can't feel.  You can't taste it.  See it, hear it or smell it.  You don't know how you are and you don't know what is going to happen.  Try thinking about this, you can't plan when you don't know how you're going to be in a years time.  Even if you'll be here in a years time.

Yes, morbid.  But tomorrow and what is left of the day are the last days of 2013 that can be filed under the word "normal".  Monday, whilst not a chemo day, is the prep day for the poison.  The fun is Tuesday.  And with that in mind, I've ended up in this odd mood.  On a plus, I'm not at work this weekend.  I had planned to take it off, not because I wanted to do something but because this weekend is murderously busy.  So silver lining with not working.  But I digress.

I'm not on a downer, not sad or depressed.  Maybe a little miserable, possibly just annoyed, but not down.  Not even angry.  Just...something.  Here is my hope, that in 10 years time I look back on this as an unhappy episode of my life and that I can forget it.  But that's the future, hopefully.  Right now, it is just today, tomorrow, Monday, poison.  And with any luck there will be a future.

I'll write more tomorrow.  In the meantime it is bonfire night in Hailsham.  I'll explain about that later.

Ciao for now.

Jym

Oh, and this...

...because I get the feeling that "not a good day" may become the norm very soon and for a long while.